Playwright Pit-Stop: How Artists Turn Life's Lemons into Lemonade
How one of the worst moments of my life led me to artistic liberation...
This essay was originally published in First Kiss Theatre’s March 2024 edition of their monthly newsletter. Subscribe at their website, www.firstkisstheatre.com.
When life knocks an artist on their ass, you know that they’re about to deliver some of the best art they’ve possibly ever made. Not to say that one can’t create beautiful masterpieces during the happy and fulfilling times in their life (because they CAN and DO!), but some of the best works of art have come out of the universe handing an artist a bag of dog sh*t and saying, “Your move.” When Jay Z cheated on Beyonce, she made “Lemonade”; when Scooter Braun bought Taylor Swift's former label, she just recorded new, better versions of her old music; hell, the entire Renaissance movement came out of the Bubonic Plague, which killed somewhere between 30 and 50% of Europe! When the going gets tough, artists get going.
Since around July of 2023, I’d been having this problem where I had a million and one ideas for new plays, movies, games, and so much more (which is not unusual for my ADHD riddled brain) but none were sticking. I would start a project and then abandon it a month later. While this isn’t exactly uncommon for me, it WAS weird that for six months no project was gaining at least semi-permanent residence in my brain. There was no “main” project I was working on, just edits of previous ones. For the first time in ages, I was well and truly…blocked. I had no idea why. I was stressed, I felt unfulfilled, and just generally icky. I blamed it on my crappy survival job and a lack of accepted play submissions. But unfortunately, I was wrong.
In January, life handed me that stinking bag of dog sh*t previously mentioned in the form of the end of a nine year relationship. Understandably, I was devastated. I spent about two weeks absolutely losing my mind wondering what I had done wrong, until I got some pretty intense therapy.
And then, it was like something within me broke open.
All of a sudden, I had two new projects and two old ones to revise that I felt so excited about and drawn to– a new play, a new poetry anthology, an older play (The Eleventh Star), and my first ever solo show, The Last Time. I had all this anger, sadness, and confusion to get out, yes. But also I found so many other emotions and revelations while working on these projects: hope, excitement, and confidence. What I mean to say is this– when one of my worst nightmares happened, I realized through my art that I was stronger and more capable than I ever thought possible.
Life has handed me the biggest goddamn lemon I’ve ever personally seen. I’m about to be a 28 year old divorcee, and I’m moving in with my parents for a year to get back on my feet. But I also just landed a job in theater (like, a PAYING one!) and I get to live beside the beach. I’m working on so many things now that excite me, and writer/creator’s block couldn’t be farther away. It’s, of course, been therapeutic to write during this time, and that’s something I definitely want you to take away from this. But mainly I wanted to digitally and perhaps metaphorically look you in the face and tell you– you will and can survive your worst nightmares. And out of them will come beauty, and hope, and maybe your best work yet.
I don’t know if what I’m working on will be something I’m remembered for, or if that even matters. But I DO know that my ex should’ve thought twice about cheating on a writer. Just saying.
Go out there and make cool stuff!! I can’t wait to be supporting you from the front row, during the highs and the lows. <3